How many times can I break before I shatter.

It's sad how many teenagers a day kill themselves. How many people intentionally hurt others to feel good about themselves. How many people go on with their day knowing someone needs their help. It's sad.

I used to be one of those people that did bad things because I thought my life sucked. Of course, it was for attention. Attention I never received. But one day I just thought to myself.. why is my life so sucky that I need to do bad things? Why do I need attention when there are so many people out there with real problems, and real issues? I couldn't come up with an answer.
I've spent many days thinking about what people are going through when they decide to kill themselves. All the pain and anger they're feeling... I get it. There are some really fucking mean people out there. Some heartless, blood-thirsty, assholes that are capable of doing unheard of things. I get it, I do.
But the thing that gets me through my worst days, is remembering that no matter how bad things are right now, you have the ability to change them. YOU can make your life better.
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
I believe that quote with all my heart. Because there have been days when I wanted nothing more than to just give up. But I didn't. I decided to make myself stronger. To make something of myself and shove it in everyone's faces. I want to be the one that people look back at and say "Wow. She's so strong."
And one day, even if other people don't see how strong I am, I know I'm strong. Hell, anyone who makes it through life deserves a hell of a lot of credit. But I'll be able to pat myself on the back. And to me, that's a nice thought.

When I get older I want to be so many things.

• Photographer
• Producer
• Cosmetologist
• Psychiatrist
• Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. NNP. (They work with the newborn babies)
• TV show host
• Broadcaster/Radio DJ
• I want to work at EA creating The Sims Games xD
• Teacher
• Zoologist

exc exc.

-I'm never going to make enough money being a photographer but it's one of those jobs that you can do on the side.
-I'm not really 100% in love with the idea of being a producer.. I'd like to do something behind the scenes though.
-I LOVE cosmetology but my parents think I should go to college for something "worth while" because they don't make a lot of money. It's something I love but whatever I guess.
-I don't want to go to school for a million years to be a Psychiatrist but it's something I like doing and am good at so why not get paid for it? lol
-And if school for a Psychiatrist is long, NNP's have to go longer. And it'd be a scary job if one of the babies were sick so I don't know if I'd have enough backbone to do it.
-Broadcasters don't make a lot of money either but It's something I'd lovelovelove to do.
-The whole EA thing will probably never happen but I do have some good ideas. xD
-Teachers don't get paid a lot either but it's something I might be good at?
-And I haven't really done much intensive research but I assume that you don't get paid very much to scoop giraffe poo. /:

And last but not least... TV show host<3
That is the one dream that will probably never happen, but would mean the world to me. I want to have my own show. A mix of Dr.Phil's real life family issues, kind of like Tyra Banks too, but more like Ellen DeGeneres. Because she has a lot of Celebrity guests and does a lot of fun things, but also goes out and finds the real life people that make a difference in the world.
I'd have a cooking segment, an art segment, celebrity guests, real life guests... I'd want it all. I'd help the people that need help, I'd help the fans, I'd talk about real issues.
Oh god, I want it all so bad.
I mean, it doesn't sound that great, but that's where my team would help out. AHHHH! I feel like a little kid whenever I think about it. My insides get all happy and my heart does a happy dance. My mind starts zooming all theses awesome ideas.
iwantitiwantitiwant!
But how the hell do you go about getting your own tv show? Like, really? If anyone knows Oprah's number, hit me up. Cause even though I don't like Oprah (mainly because she has everything I want) I will definitely take her advice.

But back to the main point of the whole job things, is that being  a tv host could actually get me closer to making a difference in the world. I could help people that feel like I did, like there is nothing in the world that can help them..
I could do it.. I know I could.
I just have to figure out a way to do it. |:
Someday<3